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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was delighted to be invited to a baby shower for my daughter, hosted by two of her friends. I thanked them for their generosity and asked if I could bring anything. I also asked if they would like photos of my daughter as a baby. They said yes to the photos, so I sent five pictures (no naked or embarrassing ones) and thought no more of it.

The hosts must have said something to my daughter, because she scolded me and said to STOP offering to help with the shower.

I am hurt by my daughter's angry outburst, and am trying to chalk it up to her anxiety and hormones. I apologized for embarrassing her, but now I feel awkward attending the shower. I don't want to do anything to diminish her very special time.

For the record, I don't think I've been at all pushy otherwise. We live hours apart, and neither of us wants me to be at the birth, or even to visit until she and her husband are ready for guests. I do my best to give them privacy and space, and we have a good relationship otherwise. I have not even asked about baby names.

I already gave them a very expensive item that they picked out, and I planned on just bringing baby books to the shower -- nothing flashy to make a show of myself. Was I out of bounds making those small offers? Did I bring this on myself?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but not for the reasons that you think.

Your daughter is mistreating you. And you are allowing it because you seem to accept the idea that you are a burden to her in every way -- to the point where you are pathetically grateful to be included in a party celebrating your grandchild's birth.

If you would like a relationship with said grandchild, it may be time to set some ground rules. Your daughter's anxiety and hormones are going to get much worse, Miss Manner assures you, before they get better.

Please summon the courage to tell your daughter that she may not speak to you that way. Her friends seemed to want the photos, and if she did not, fine, but you are not to be scolded. You may mutually negotiate the terms of future visits and the like, but you will not live in fear of offending her.

Besides, you may point out, she may need your assistance in the very near future and be in no position to scare off helpful, willing (and free!) childcare from a loving, well-intended grandparent. And she might look to the future, when she would not enjoy having her child treat her that way.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a group that plays a game twice a week. One person never stops talking. How can I get them to stop?

GENTLE READER: Feed them sticky candy.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN